Spectrosexuality: Spirit Sex and God Spousery

Some call it “spectrophilia.” I’d be more likely to call it “entheosex,” but avid explorers of entheogens have already coined that term to mean sex while using psychedelics. As a sexologist and sexuality counselor, I think I’ll be most comfortable using the terms “spectrosexual” and “spectrosexuality.” I believe many people may experience these desires in the context of a full-blown sexual and affectionate orientation rather than as a fetish. That’s my premise–and it’s based on a hunch, not data. 


Today’s blog outlines my initial attempts to understand this phenomena in a sexological context: people who say they have sex with spirits and deities (or who desire this), and those who claim committed relationships with such beings. Much as I did when I began to learn about objectum sexuality (Love Among the Objectum Sexuals), I begin by trying to view this phenomena by many different angles, including a sexological lens, and to see what shows up in “the literature” (books, professional journals, etc.) as well as reported “lived experiences.” And of course these kinds of accounts are showing up in pop culture, but I’m going to ignore that for the moment.

Apologies are due to you, dear reader, as most of what I cite below is cisgendered and heterosexual. Am looking for other sources. This is the just first of many blogs on this topic. [Update 8/23/18: Please read this excellent piece about being a god spouse, written by Bat Bruja.]

Let’s start with Alfred Kinsey’s classics, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (with Pomeroy, Martin, and Gebhard, 1953) and Sexual Behaivor in the Human Male (with Pomeroy and Martin, 1948). In the Female book, I scanned the index and found “psychic masturbation” (not found in Male book) which led me to this text on page 163:

“Some 2 per cent of the females in the sample had reached orgasm by fantasying erotic situations, without tactiley stimulating their genitalia or other parts of their bodies (Table 37). Exceedingly few males are capable of reaching orgasm in this fashion while they are awake, although orgasm from psychic stimulation while asleep is a common enough phenomenon among males.”

The footnote (38) attached to this paragraph gives additional terminology: “idealized coitus,” “mental cohabitation,” “moral or psychic masturbation,” “the mental vulva,” and “erotic day dreaming.” Kinsey et al. lists a number of sources for these terms including pioneering sexologists Iwan Bloch (1903), Havelock Ellis referenced in Albert Moll (1921), Magnus Hirschfeld (1916), and others. Kinsey notes that several of these sources “express the curious and certainly unfounded opinion that this is the ‘most noxious’ of all forms of masturbation.”

So the purported (cis) female ability to have “think gasms” was once thought to be “noxious” by white, (cis) male “experts.” Why are we not surprised? But rather than get hung up on that, let’s say that the interesting thing is that “psychic masturbation” showed up in very early sexological research. Later researchers have also noted this ability to “think off.” In The Science of Orgasm (2006), Barry Komisaruk, Carlos Beyer-Flores, and Beverly Whipple discuss fMRI (imaging) studies of “non-sensory induced orgasms” (pp. 260-261). They found that:

“…in thought-induced orgasms, as in orgasms produced by vaginocervical self-stimulation, the regions of the nucleus accumbens, PVN, hippocampus, and anterior cingulate cortex are activated.” (p. 261).

However, the amygdala “was not activated during thought orgasms” (p. 261).

Previous research into this topic included Whipple, Ogden and Komisaruk (1992) and Komisaruk and Whipple (2005). In the 1992 “thought orgasm” study, “–heart rate, blood pressure, pupil dilation, and pain threshold–approximately doubled during orgasm compared with initial resting baseline.” Bonk author, Mary Roach, also includes an amusing anecdote about a woman who “thinks off” in this TED Talk video.

As an aside, many erotic hypnosis enthusiasts also create and/or experience hands-off “hypno-gasms.” I teach these techniques myself.

Two important points here:

(1) Some human bodies are able to respond with pleasure, including orgasmic pleasure, simply from “thoughts” or psychic stimulation. Is this an evolved capacity? What function does this ability serve (besides sheer pleasure)?

(2) Psychic sexual stimulation and orgasm is most likely to show up in sexological literature in the context of solo sex and fantasy, or as a fetish. Not as god or spirit partner sex, even if there is the presumption that the partner is imaginary.

In Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices (1992) by Brenda Love, we find spectrophilia defined as “either coitus with spirits or arousal from image in mirrors” (p. 312). Spectrophilia is discussed as a fetish often involving incubi and succubi. Many people have at least heard of sexy “attacks” by incubi and succubi spirits and perhaps have learned of the recent research into sleep paralysis (“night terrors”) which appears to explain this kind of phenomena. (Love’s spectrophilia entry predates this research.) Her entry also mentions the Babylonian Lilith, forced confessions of demonic intercourse during witchcraft persecutions, the “Thai Shrinking Penis Syndrome,” and the famous tale of the Virgin Mary and the Christian God (pp. 269-270).

[FYI: Love also has entries for altered state orgasms and near-death experiences (p. 189), as well as astral orgasms–annecdotal accounts of astral projection as a result of orgasm (p. 191), psychic orgasms (p. 192), and tantric orgasms (p. 193).]

Contemporary references to god or spirit sex may be found in books on Western magic, including sex magic books. For example, in Sex, Sorcery, and Spirit: The Secrets of Erotic Magic (2015) by Jason Miller, he discusses spectrophilia and other matters in his chapter called “Raise Your Spirits: Sex for and with Angels, Demons, Gods and Spirits” (pp. 151-167).

Spirit/human intimacy may be found in anthropological literature. An example would be The Polynesian Family System of Ka’u, Hawai’i (1998) by E.S. Craighill Handy and Mary Kawena Pukui, particularly the chapter called “Psychic Phase of the Relationship” and a discussion of “spirit lovers of the night” (kane and wahine o ka po) (pp. 116-159). Such lovers may be beneficial, and may even produce children, or they may be inadvertantly dangerous, sometimes causing human beings to pine away with desire through no fault of their own. Sometimes expert spiritual intervention is sought to sever the relationship and save the human being.

Myths, folklore, and religious traditions from all over the world and many historical periods contain accounts of human/spirit sex and intimacy. With regard to spiritual traditions, some ancient Buddhist and Hindu tantric practices include energetic sexual rites performed with spiritual beings as part of the path to transcendence. People may be asked to imagine themselves as a deity or to imagine a human partner as a deity, or to imagine the deity as a partner. Such practices were learned under guidance, during long years of study. (The above discussion of tantra is vastly oversimplified.)

Writers have often written about sexual relationships with spirits. One of my favorite stories is A.S. Byatt’s The Djinn in the Nightingale’s Eye (1994).

The internet being what it is, of course we can find references to partnered spirit sex and god spousery in blogs, websites, articles, videos, and podcasts. But I’m not incorporating a pop culture discussion in this particular blog.

Two more important points:

(3) Accounts of sexual encounters with gods and spirits have been recounted by human beings in varied cultures and historical periods. Therefore let’s consider that something about this is “real” beyond the types of reports or stories that might be explained by sleep paralysis.  

(4) People in many cultures have created and refined practices designed to create and facilitate human/spirit interactions, including sexual ones. People have devoted vast amounts of time and energy to create these practices and traditions. Why? 

It’s imporant to remember, however, that human/spirit sex was not always (or perhaps even often) looked upon with favor by religious and secular authorities. In Sex Crimes: From Renaissance to Enlightenment (2002), by William Naphy, we are told of the harsh punishments meted out to suspected witches (male and female) who have been accused of sex with demons (pp. 224-232). Even today we could probably find many instances of persecution–societies and religions which can barely tolerate gay sex are certainly not going to countenance spirit sex, which is even more transgressive as being pretty much undetectable (unless one blogs about it).

As I consider the above, from a sexological view, I have many questions. Here are some of them.

The biggest question:

What emerges for us when we understand (1) that human bodies have measurable orgasmic responses to psychic stimulation and combine this understanding with (2) a knowledge that humanity’s mythic/religious heritage includes a vast array of accounts and traditions of human sexual relationships with spirits, angels, gods, demons, etc.? What are the spiritual and cultural implications, as well as the sexological ones?

Other questions:

Are some people “wired” for a spectrosexual orientation or spectroattraction? Or should this be considered a “capacity?” (I just don’t think it’s a fetish–it’s too full-blown.)

What kinds of behavioral, emotional, and sexual variations may be found within a “spectrosexual” spectrum? I am sure we will find a range that encompasses polya spectrosexuality to mono spectrosexuality to asexual spectroattraction and more, plus ranges in genders and gendered attractions (and non-gendered attractions). We will find experiences ranging from a single encounter to committed relationships, as well as those desiring such encounters or relationships but who have not yet had them.

Will spectrosexuals eventually “come out” as a sexual minority community? (Since I know ecosexuals and objectum sexuals, this seems reasonable to me.) How will individual spectrosexuals and spectroattractors deal with their own coming out processes?

How do god spouses and spectrosexuals/spectroattractors deal with “sharing” a god or spirit?

How do spectrosexuals/spectroattractors navigate their relationships with intimate human partners? How much acceptance do they generally receive from other humans in their lives?

What kinds of discernment criteria, support, and other social structures will emerge as spectrosexuality and spectroattraction become better known?

Are there demographic and cultural factors or emotional and personality factors that are common to spectrosexuals/spectroattractors? Or not?

What sort of distasteful media circuses and pop culture travesties will emerge? What sort of cultural backlashes and oppression may we expect? What’s going to appear that is cringe-worthy (that we haven’t seen already)? How many Ph.D. candidates will do a dissertation on this topic?

For now, that is my initial take on spectrosexuality. Sadly, earlier today I lost most of my first finished draft and have had to reconstruct it all a second time. (That’s what I get, I guess, for my devotion to a trickster god.) I am sure I will be writing more on this subject, as I find it fascinating!

Are you a fellow traveller? Let me know you’re out there. Please “like” and share. Thanks for reading!



25 thoughts on “Spectrosexuality: Spirit Sex and God Spousery

  1. This is an extremely interesting article! I’m glad Allie re-blogged this. There is a lot of food for thought. I once felt like I was being “called” into god-spousery, but convinced myself it was all in my imagination. Now I am wondering if I was too skeptical.

    “So the purported (cis) female ability to have “think gasms” was once thought to be “noxious” by white, (cis) male “experts.” Why are we not surprised?”

    Wow! I’d be more likely to be jealous than disgusted! Wait, I am kind of jealous.
    Thanks for putting this on your blog!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This makes me wonder if the times I’ve thought I was alone when I was doing that myself if I was really perpetuating it, or Someone was “sending” it to me. It also makes me wonder whether at the times They’re “physically” with you in a dream and it seems more interactive and real, why they would choose sometimes to not be visibially present when that happens. I know damn well I can’t do that when I’m awake, though I can get close. How can my mind be more powerful when asleep? Same thing with hearing other languages being spoken I don’t know? So the question is, whether or not your Partner is “with” you in a dream, are you doing it all yourself or are They interacting with you and causing it?. I hope it’s not all in our heads, as the scientists and skeptics would say.


    1. Thanks again for reading and commenting, Moonfire! Like you, I’m trying to figure this stuff out. But I don’t think it is “all” in our heads. I mean, why on earth would it even occur for human beings to conjure up spirit spouses if there wasn’t something “real” to respond to in the first place? I think it’s a stretch. However, if we accept the existence of deities and spirits, we pretty much have to figure they are of a subtler body and essence so that “visibility” thing is not important to them, and perhaps our senses are not otherwise able to detect them unless some special training has been taken. That would explain the development of mystery schools and esoteric trainings which convey special techniques for becoming attuned and connected with these beings. Again, why would human beings even bother with all this complexity in the first place unless there was “something in it?” Discernment is important too, of course, because sometimes what’s happening may only be “in our heads” after all. So we have to develop finer levels of awareness and try to know the difference between wishful thinking and transcendent experiences and contact. Not easy! I don’t have it down, that’s for sure! And I’m struggling with it. But cultivation of practices that can help this along seems to be a good way to go. Hope this makes some sense! All the best!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I gauge it by the more physical and interactive it is, the more likely it is to be real. Also if you feel a strong presence that’s outside yourself. I don’t always feel that. The gods and higher spirits have STRONG presences, unlike the lower astral entities (which always seem to have black eyes for some reason, because they have no souls) or the annoying dream figures or egrecores. The last three years have been weeding THEM out and getting to the good stuff. But also getting more knowledge about how to discern between my own head trips and something outside myself. Some experiences are more realistic and obvious than others, but even then there’s no proof. I look for consistency and impact. Some of the strongest ones were where I still felt it a whole day or more later and kept getting flashbacks of it, and felt a presence that mingled with it. THOSE are the experiences I look for.


  4. Once I read a good article about how often sex with elves and fairies in the northern parts of Europe, especially in some rural parts of Scandinavia, happen. The article was in German and unfortunately I can’t find it again (it was some years ago when I read it). But it was long and done with much research. The author said, that such encounters happen more often than one may think, but people just don’t talk about it because of the fear that it makes them look crazy. It seems that you don’t even have to beliefe in spirits, elves or gods to experience it. The examples the author wrote about were mostly consensual but not always.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. As the author of this article is a sexuality counselor, I wonder if there can be any psychological or spiritual connection between the two fetishes of spectrophilia and necrophilia (like the type Black/Death Metal bands would sing about, dark, morbid, and fascinating). My guess as an amateur would be it`s just coincidential. By the way, I wonder how something as unmeasurable as spectrophilia should be proven or even examined in a scientific way, I mean nobody can prove that it`s not just a fantasy among many others. Typically the people who describe or see those things in a negative way are mostly montheistic or otherwise sexually inhibited!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting. I’ll address the topics you mentioned. (1) Note I use the term “spectrosexuality” instead of spectrophilia, as I don’t believe this is necessarily or always a “fetish.” I view it more as a possible “orientation” and as an acceptable part of the bandwidth of human sexual behavior and relationship configurations. (2) Regarding a possible connection between spectrophilia and necrophilia–as being “dark, morbid, and fascinating”–that would be a modern, pop culture approach to the topic. These might be part of the “fascination” for some. However passionate relationships with spirits or deities are part of many religious and folk traditions, including Christianity (Mother Mary and St. Teresa de Avila as examples) and Hinduism (HIndu Bhakti devotional poets and the old version of the Devadasi tradition are two examples). None of these examples are “dark” or “morbid.” (3) Human sexuality research takes many forms. For example, Alfred KInsey et al. published their research based on approximately 10,000 sexual history interviews, which contained self-reported data. Whipple et. al, who investigated “thought gasms” in cisgendered women used modern technology to make measurements of known physiological indicators of sexual response. At present, this topic lends itself to a qualitative research approach (like field work in social and cultural anthropology). But someday someone might create a methodology based on instrumentation to study this. Who knows?


  6. I know this post is older; still, I feel I should reply. Your writing very much applies to me. I am deeply in love with a spirit man who initiated and who maintains strong contact with me after his death a few years ago. We are now in a fully committed relationship with plans to marry soon. I consider myself as sane as anyone else since I am both a mom (of grown children) and a successful entrepreneur in a scientific field, holding an advanced terminal college degree. I could no longer deny my ongoing and variably intense experiences, so I finally accepted them as truth. I found forgiveness with myself as I let go of my formerly held religious views that forbid such thinking. And I now live my life accordingly (though obviously mostly in secret for the sake of all things). I would be happy to elaborate in private if ever needed. And to the person who commented above, wondering about parallels with “fetishes” of spectrophilia and necrophilia… Respectfully and gently, from my point of view if it helps… I do not experience my deeply bonded connection with my spirit partner as a fetish. It is a genuine, give-and-take relationship, in which we help and care for another. Explaining the hows of that is, of course, on a whole other level. I also do not have any necrophilic desires; I personally cannot easily revisit the mental images of my lover lying dead in his casket at his funeral. It was so mentally and emotionally jarring to see him dead that I nearly fainted from the trauma of it at the time. And, I am normally quite a strong person. So, just putting this here if it resonates with anyone else. Thanks for reading!


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