The Talk
Me to (currently imaginary) New Intimate Partner (NIP), “Dear, we have to have a little talk first.” NIP pulls away a little and looks me in the eye.
NIP: “No problem. I’ve been tested for everything in the last six months. I’m healthy. Plus I’ve brought _______[condoms, lube, whatever].”
Me: “Me too, except I’ve been exposed to herpes and that never goes away. So we’ll need to use protection. I appreciate your candor. [Kiss.] But I actually had a different talk in mind.”
NIP: “Oh? Now you’re scaring me! What’s up? Are you kinky or something?”
Me: “Not that topic either, though we can talk about that too.”
NIP: “You’ve got me intrigued. Say on!”
Me: “You’ve told me you’re a practicising polytheist neopagan…but you’ve never done sex magic.”
NIP: “Right.”
Me: “And you know I’m a non-denominational witch, and a polytheist neopagan, and that I’m oathed to Loki.”
NIP: “I don’t have much experience with magic. I’m mostly an academic_________ [Druid, Heathen, astrologer, etc.]. And you never really explained the ‘oathed to Loki’ thing. What does this have to do with us having hot sex?”
Me, bluntly: “All my orgasms are dedicated to Loki, for the rest of my life…so, much as I’ll enjoy whatever we do together, you just have to be able to handle that.”
NIP: “Uh, does this mean you might, uh, say his name when you, uh, you know?”
Me: “Possibly. Would that bother you?”
NIP: “I am not sure. Maybe.” [Frowns.] “Is this like we’d be having a threesome with a god?”
Me: “No. Not really. It’s just that at one point I wanted to find the most loving and powerful experience I could imagine and dedicate it to my patron deity. That energy and joy I feel at the moment of orgasm seemed like the perfect gift to a being who has given me so much.”
NIP: “That’s kind of kinky!”
Me [shrugging]: “I don’t really see or experience it that way. For me, it’s a form of sacred sexuality. You said you were interested in that, right?”
NIP: “Well, yes.”
Me: “Do you need time to process this? I’m okay with that.”
NIP: “Let’s just kiss some more and see what happens.”
Me: “Sounds good to me. And you know we can stop at any time if you need to do that.”
The Reason for The Talk
I’m a sexologist by training and profession. I’ve talked with adult clients about all kinds of personal and intimate issues and supported them without judgment in expressions of their authentic erotic lives (as long as those expressions were adult and consensual).
Even so, I have been wondering how on earth I will explain the above to a real life future partner, assuming there is anyone left on this green earth who can love me.
But writing and therefore rehearsing the above dialogue with an imaginary partner has actually diminished the shame (yes, surprising to find it there–shame!) and the embarrassment I’ve been feeling when contemplating an eventual plunge back into the very sparsely populated human dating pool (sparse due to my age bracket and interests). So, aside from that personal note, I highly recommend imagining and rehearsing a similar dialogue IF you feel you’d want to communicate this to a human partner.
However, if you are NOT comfortable divulging such information, or fear that it will have negative impact on your partner(s) or your relationship(s), please DON’T feel you need to share. It is completely okay to keep such information personal. You may also have agreements in place with your deities and spirits about such offerings, and what to express and what not to express.
Some people may only do this in ritual space, as part of a sex magic ritual or other kind of ceremony. Others, like me, offer up sexual pleasure–in addition to food, drink, trinkets, natural objects, poems, chants, prayers, incense, etc.–as part of a devotional practice designed to cultivate and nourish a relationship with that spiritual being or beings. Loki likes donuts and whiskey (things which I don’t consume myself) and I am happy to provide them, along with conversation, poems, pleasure, and inviting him along to events I think he’d enjoy. My relationship with my patron deity is part of my daily life, as well as my ritual life. It’s not that devotional orgasm offerings mean I am “having sex WITH a god” but that I am offering the peak moment of the sex I do have (solo or partnered) TO that god.
However, there is nothing at all wrong with the former. See my blog on spectrosexuality and god spousery. I say that both as a sexologist and as a magical practitioner.
And I am hardly alone in doing this, though the topic is seldom mentioned outside of esoteric circles.
Sadly, there are otherwise reasonable people who sneer at those with magically dedicated sex toys. This seems a ridiculous position to take. If we magically dedicate a candle or a wand, a broom or a knife, why not a sex toy? Sheesh! And dedicating a toy to a god/dess could/would/should probably include a ward against any other unwanted energies or entities that might wanna come along for the ride…
Seems like common sense.
Again, I am hardly alone. From the witches sabbat to tantric embrace, from “brides of Christ” to chaos magick, human beings have connected the experience of sexual energy and orgasm to an experience of god/dess and/or transcendence and have sought to harness or direct its power. You can find material about this in numerous cultures. I am not even going to supply links, there is so much information out there!
Anyway, writing this blog post has taken a load off my mind. I guess public confessions really are good for the soul! And as for the “‘ickle talk” which I may someday have with a future partner, heck, I could take the coward’s way out and just direct that person to this blog post!
But no, I’d rather have a real conversation.
Perhaps one day.
In the meantime, I still giggle at the moment in this 2013 Comicon footage when Marvel Loki commands, “Say my name!”
It’s a private joke…but one I’m now sharing with you. Anyone who gets close to me will have to have a damned good sense of humor…
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Lady Of The Lake 
Heiros Vamos has emerged as a known amongst those who have activated kundalini….with many realizing that the cosmic archetypes of mother/father or yin/yang as being within the self. Kundalini is experienced as a union of cosmic opposites. That’s good enough for me. But why Loki? I mean, how does that come about, this choosing? Now that everyone reading this is roaring with laughter I’ll go one more; is this type of devotion expected of modern pagans and who came up with it? I honestly am curious about this because it touches something near and dear to me. I know, you didn’t expect to become a lecturer on neopagan practice, right?
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Hello! Thanks for reading and commenting. You ask, “why Loki?” Well, because that’s how it worked out. I was working with other Norse deities (and others from other pantheons). Then Loki showed up and has become my patron, though I still work with others. No, this kind of offering is not “expected” of anyone, but plenty of people do it. As for Kundalini, read my “Spontaneous Combustion” post from late July/early August 2017. And no, I can’t lecture on neopagan practices (which are abundantly diverse), I can just talk about what’s happening with me.
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I’m asking because this energetic world has been an ongoing realm of experience cans fascination for me since I was very young. I find it interesting how so many different people describe such similar things. While I run a glass studio business blog, I also write about awakening and energetics on another blog.
These gods, these archetypes are something that are just as complex as we are. Who are we as a future self? Would we experience a god-like presence? The Hindus do. I think I have, and I have met a few westerners who have had similar experiences, so all of this is interesting to me (we have as a race been doing this for a long time…in Egypt, Ur, etc.). For some reason I have managed to have a fairly broad recall of past lives over the course of my life and in one such experience I was able to observe how a room full of young Eqyptian women who had been trained for divine union with a fiery presence that I assume was RA take that energy into themselves as part of a creative process, a divine or spiritual “begetting” that was both experience and turbocharged initiation. Decades later I would stumble across an identical account from a woman who was regressed hypnotically to various lifetimes, one that included an identical account describing how this fiery energy came through a wall that all the women were facing. This energy exchange was triggering awakening…the initiation. Being able to piece these kinds of things together helps to restore a history of advanced understanding down through time of human consciousness that we all can experience (and do!).
Anyway…with sexuality tied up in so many experiences of transcendental states, I have come to observe that those energy centers, consciousness, and aspects of ourselves aligned to our sexuality are those parts that gives us the means to experience and then be able to relate to these higher order energies (higher self, the gods, elementals, etc.). My two cents in your experience, which is just my two cents is that it may be that the perception of coolness of these beings may be balanced, joined together so well and so powerfully by your own fiery energy, something that is immediately apparent to me at least about you (and witness your draw to Hawaii and it’s fiery goddess…and I think you very much have this and is part of your dynamic). I might be wrong, but it’s just my take. And if you feel there’s something there, then try explore that dynamic and see what it does with the energy and your experience (what do you find is being created?). I’m glad to have come across your work!
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There’s a lot of layers to our individual and collective mysteries, that is for sure! Thank you for adding these additional thoughts. All the best!
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Heiros Gamos, not Vamos…
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When my Gods and I agreed to it, this was definitely a subject that I talked to my husband about. Just letting him know what was going on, and yes, sometimes I may shout one of Their names during. We have toys and fetish gear dedicated and blessed by Dionysus for me and u/Us. At first hubby was weirded out, but accepted it–he trusted that I knew what I was doing. Now he kind of has a casual thing with a Goddess.
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting. It sounds like you found a wonderful way to communicate about this and for you both to enjoy it!
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