Fetish Loki

I wrote the above and felt an evil chortle arise in my gullet. Yes, my sacred, golden gullet, my darlings! Evil chortling is what all good villains master (in addition to you, my dears…) and I dost aspire to the most evil of masteries. And you will worship me betides.

Loki chuckles. Yes, the scene could go something like that…

Listen. Loki is everywhere. Even concealed (or revealed) in what may very well be only a lonely blogger’s esophageal spasm reinventing itself as wicked mirth (in the privacy of her own home).

Speaking of such privacy (and the apparent urge to violate it), I have a confession. I…logged on…to Fetlife… again…. after a looooong hiatus. As a sexologist, I regret saying this: it is as boring as ever. However I went there today, “burdened with glorious purpose,” as I wanted to see if there were any Loki-themed groups on FL, along with the usual very large array of this, that, and the other things.

As Marvel Loki says so feelingly in the above movie clip, “An ant has no quarrel with a boot.” In the same spirit, I have no quarrel with the Midgard Minions getting their kink on in “Furry Libras Unite” and “House of Leather Horrors.” As for the not-nearly-fawning-enough notes from men I don’t even know, kindly informing me that they’ll be “in town this weekend” seeking to have their fantasies fulfilled…they’ll get a psychic “boot” from me but nothing else.

Not even an esophageal spasm.

But back to my search for specific information: are there indeed people out there for whom Loki (Marvel or otherwise) is an actual “kink?” Judging by what I found on FL, it’s hard to distinguish fandom from kinkdom. I did a quick “Loki” search and found that several FL members have taken His name, for whatever reason. And there are a handful of fan-type groups, with rather small memberships, dating mostly from just before or just after Thor: The Dark World, released in 2013. All of these groups are moribund–most with no conversations more recent than 2015-2016.

A quick perusal of the postings was disappointing. I expected more cos-play and role-play posts, frankly, but there wasn’t much except someone proposing a Loki/Sigyn/Angrboda scene. And there was this: a post about a voice actor who “does” Tom Hiddleston and who reads everything from the children’s classic, Madeline, to some “not safe for work” (NSFW) material. His Loki’s Dirty Whispers are definitely worth a listen in the privacy of your own home or earbuds. This voice actor has a Patreon site as well as talent, and would be worth supporting if you have a little extra to spare. However, his sites also seem dormant.

What has happened, I wonder? Why did these FL groups fade, while on Facebook, Loki-focused groups are thriving? And I also wonder, where did that voice actor go?

Speculation

Since data is thin, I’d like to speculate about what elements of Loki–specifically Marvel Loki as played by Tom Hiddleston–might spark a kinky interest deeper than a fan’s crush.

Auralism and Acousticophilia

Auralism and acousticophilia refer to arousal through sound–including music, voices, sounds of other people having sex, and so on. I have never thought myself as an auralist or  acousticophiliac before, but it’s true that beautiful, expressive, masculine voices are very appealing and sexy for me. Tom Hiddleston’s voice, whatever his role, has become one of my favorites. (Benedict Cumberbatch is a close second.) So for a person with this kind of philia, even the voice actor’s reading of Madeline could be arousing!

You don’t have to be a card-carrying auralist to respond to such voices. Lower pitched voices are generally thought to signal sexual interest and are therefore sexually appealing.  Even WebMD has an article on this!

Long Hair on Men

This would be a variation of the hair fetish generally known as trichophilia, which can take many forms. Fetlife has at least one group devoted to “Long Hair on Men,” with many female members. Marvel Loki and Marvel Thor amply deliver on this, at least until Thor’s hair is cut halfway through the middle of Thor: Ragnarok (2017). Hearts were probably broken in that moment. (But not mine. Loki retained his long locks and that’s all I cared about.)

Leather

Check out Loki’s costuming in this video of Hiddleston’s surprise appearance the 2013 San Diego ComiCon, as well as Hiddleston’s dom-ly monologue.

As Stan Lee used to say, “‘Nuff said.”

Knife Play

Marvel Loki loves his knives. He’s graceful, fierce, and handles them well. The fight scenes are well choreographed. For someone out there, these scenes are the stuff of kinky dreams.

The sparse Wikipedia entry reads:

“Knife play is a form of consensual BDSM edgeplay involving knives, daggers, and swords as a source of physical and mental stimulation. Knives are typically used to cut away clothing, scratch the skin, remove wax after wax play, or simply provide sensual stimulation. Knife play can also be a form of temperature play or body modification.”

As a sexologist, I would add this caution: If this is an interest of yours, take some classes and/or let yourself be well-mentored before doing this with anybody. Remember this mantra: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. And this one too: Risk Aware Kink.

Bondage and Switching

In spite of his dominant persona, Loki is frequently chained, restrained, and/or gagged in the Marvel movies. When he is, he’s very much the smart-ass.

And when Loki is slapped by Thor’s GF, Jane Foster, in Thor: The Dark World, he grins, his eyes gleam, and he says, “I like her!” He is hinting, perhaps, that Thor is missing something key in Jane’s erotic nature (she certainly slaps people a lot!). Again, this is all the stuff of someone’s kinky dreams…

In Conclusion

I could probably watch every Marvel Thor movie again–and find more things to list–but you get the idea. These movies are a rich source of erotic and even kinky inspiration. While Lokeans and Heathens may argue about the uses that Norse Loki may or may not make of this pop culture phenomenon, my own personal gnosis suggests that He is rather tickled about it, and the kinky stuff is simply more icing on the donut.

Hail Loki!

VII. Spectrosexuality Survey: Practices and Rituals

Not everyone has a “godphone” for spiritual booty calls. Instead, human beings who have engaged in intimate contact with gods and other spirits may use a variety of approaches to make and/or receive contact. Often they do nothing at all.

To fully understand the results of this question, I need to compare responses in the categories, since people were able to check several categories.


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Because this question accepted multiple responses, it’s helpful to make do some comparisons. Fortunately, Survey Monkey provides filters.

Q7 FILTERED CHART #1

38 people said that not doing anything worked well for them. But let’s see what else those 38 people did to facilitate spectrosex.

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Of the 38 people who answered “I don’t do anything” in the “works well” column,  20 also said rituals worked well. 21 said offerings worked well. 9 people said using solo sex as an invitation also worked well (and 10 said it worked “sometimes.”) 5 said horsing worked well and 4 said using psychoactive substances worked well. These same things also worked “sometimes.”

Q7 FILTERED CHART #2

People who said that not doing anything “works well sometimes” also do other things.

Data_Q7_WorksSometimes_2_190402

You get the idea. People are doing many different things to either get the attention of gods and spirits, or to respond to them. And some methods work better than others.

Nineteen people included details in the “Other” section. People described many different ways of entering into intimacy and have many kinds of experiences. Some involve physical touch, objects, or partners. Some do not.

Here are some highlights.

“Usually meditate and go into trance and then do divination about how to proceed and take things from there. I use godphone, but it’s still being developed; there’s too much interference to rely on it alone. If I don’t check in with a physical divination tool, my thoughts take over and I lose the conversation.”

“I have only occasionally performed ritual sex with Dionysos using a dildo. Most of the time our relationship is more emotionally intimate, rather than physically.”

“I often pathwalk in order to initiate sexual and intimate experiences with my god spouse and other spirit partners.”

“Something special I kind of worked out with Thor is to invoke him within me if I’m having an encounter with someone physical. It gives me that opportunity to offer the sexual energy to him.”

“It’s all extremely consensual and takes place in this reality without aid of touch, objects, manual stimulation, or anything. They harness my nervous system and it feels like sex and orgasms. I suspect they are possessing certain functions of my nerves and chakras. Can happen while awake, meditating, offering offerings, asleep, ranges from petting my head to full blown raunchy sex. Various styles for all various deities.”

“I will say the reason I HAVEN’T typically planned or set out to create sexual encounters with deity is that on the very few occasions I’ve attempted to do so, it hasn’t worked as well as spontaneously arising ones.”

“My experience is multi faceted. At times, I have two intimate partners in the flesh, at times I will engage in ritual with these partners to invite higher beings to be present in us for the purpose of the Great Rite. Other times I am visited in the night by rather friendly and welcome spirit beings who will engage with me sexually. In the past I have had profound experiences in the psychedelic realms. For many years psychedelic trips were not sexy, then I was awakened by Faerie into such a wonderful place.”

Aside from the above mention of the “Great Rite,” a few other people added details about “horsing” (spirit or god possession of a partner or self).

“Would consider partner possesion if i had a partner & they were willing to try (or if Loki were to demand it. But he tends to believe consent is a big thing).”

“I’ve had several interactions that may or may not have been ‘horsing’: while having intercourse with my husband/other human partners, my partner has referenced concepts, phrases, or actions that I have heard/experienced during meditation/trancework interactions with my non-human/spirit partners.”

“Role reversal. I’m the one who Horses.”

Finally, horsing does not have to be a sexual experience:

“I’ve only ever “horsed” once that I’m aware of, and I’m not even sure if that’s what was going on. It was Odin and absolutely NOT sexual in nature. I was alone and he pulled me with him to show me Yggdrasil.”

There is room for more detailed analysis of this and the other questions. Look for that in future blogs. Question 8 coming up in the next blog post.

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VI. Spectrosexuality Survey: Spirit Beings

“Invisible friends” with unexpected benefits? Judging by the results of this very limited group of respondents, it looks like spectrosexual experiences and relationships heal and enrich human lives far more often than they disturb. Fifty-four people added details to the “Other” comments section of Question 7. Most of the comments were positive.

As a sexologist well acquainted with the impact of trauma and abuse, I was particularly intrigued by this comment:

“A couple of years ago I invited a god to my bed mostly to make an offering but was unexpectedly horsed to help heal some toxic patterns related to profound trauma. Sexual relationship continued. It’s mostly felt like a kind of trauma therapy, but lately is becoming more about love, connection, and sharing.”


 

Data_Q6_190318


Desirable And Consensual

More good news: most of the reported encounters were consensual and responses to intimate spirit contact were overwhelmingly in the “happy/thrilled” and “okay/comfortable” categories. But because this was a group of respondents engaged in magical practices I expected a high degree of consensuality and comfort level. (A survey of the general public would most likely yield different results.)

“I’ve had an on and off sexual relationship with Odin for about 11 years.”

“My primary relationship is with a being I would consider my fetch and my secondary relationship is with a deity.”

“My divine spouse is Brigid. Has been for eleven years now. I have also had sexual encounters and/or intimate brief relationships with Aine, Frigga, Freyja, Thor, Hel, and two fairy cat/s Cat Sidhe/Sith.”

Often a human being may begin to cultivate a non-intimate relationship with a spirit or deity and then the relationship becomes emotionally and/or sexually intimate:

“Loki – to start with there was disbelief then I was pretty ecstatic about it.”

“Spirits I had become close to before sexual relations developed. This only happened with a very select few.”

“I am a spouse of Thor. At first, I couldn’t…properly understand the concept of god consort or god spousing so I was a little afraid of it to begin with. His persistence and his affection kept on for years until I finally “tied the knot” in Yule 2018.”

Spirits and deities can act as spectrosex initiators:

I went through a slut phase after Hela taught me how to do this.

Undesirable And Nonconsensual

But some magic practitioners find themselves in situations that are uncomfortable:

“I once messed up during ritual and left a spiritual “door” unprotected, and had a terrible encounter being nonconsensually fed on by a demon-type entity in a loop of sexual nightmares that night, but a goddess intervened and I was able to banish the entity the next day. This was my only nonconsensual spirit experience to my knowledge. Otherwise I have engaged in loving, friendly, consensual encounters with several spirits: a few (kind, consensual) incubus/succubus demons, some thoughtforms, and some specific gods. I am married to Loki.”

 

“There was one instance when a spirit I couldn’t really identify wanted to ‘join in’, that freaked me out.”

“I had a sexual relationship with a Goddess, Sigyn, that started out consensual, but She entered a gray area that combined with other factors to result in other Deities stepping in to stop our dynamic.”

You’ll notice that in two of the above quotes, the human being was rescued through intervention from a third spirit or deity. This might be a good reason to cultivate relationships (not necessarily sexual) with a number of spirits or to cultivate a relationship with a spirit who will serve as a patron and protector.

Ambiguity and “Ups and Downs”

Some respondents reported mixed feelings and also mixed experiences. Just because your partner is a god/dess doesn’t mean it’s 24/7 bliss.

“Many interactions with Loki – at first, I had many mixed feelings about interactions, even tho surface aspects of interaction seemed consensual. Over time, began to feel joy/pleasure rather than worry. Possibly Odin – several interactions – esp. during two intense sexual ones – felt mixed feelings because there were aspects of non-consensuality to to interaction.”

“Feelings are like a normal relationship, go up and down.”

Spirit Categories

Categories of dieities, demons, angels, etc. are subjective, depending on one’s traditions and practices. One respondent reminded me that one religion’s god may be another religion’s demon:

“One thing that strikes me as I look over the checkbox above is that spirits who are Gods and Goddesses may also be considered demons or nature spirits, etc., depending on who’s asking.”

Even so, some people favor some kinds of spirits over others:

“I disagree with spirit relationships that are not of God deity level as I have seen them do a lot of unintended physical damage.”

Astral damage might also be a risk. One person reported two instances of “parts of their soul” being “bitten off” or eaten by animal spirits, yet did not seem particularly disturbed by this.

Offerings

People in many traditions use sexual energy and fluids as offerings to spirits, but not all offerings are invitations for spectrosexual relations. Those that are may or may not be reciprocated:

“…sexual energy or contact is a tactic I use to communicate in some instances. I use sexual responses as an offerering both to God/desses and Spirits & the Fae, but have only had reciprocal responses from Spirits & the Fae.”

In The Elements of Spellcrafting: 21 Keys to Successful Sorcery, Jason Miller reminds us that offerings “not only honor and in some cases feed the spirit, but act as a foothold into the physical world and are yet another way of. bridging that divide between the spiritual and the material” (p. 82). However, in his book, Sex, Sorcery, and Spirit: The Secrets of Erotic Magic, Miller reminds us that “in many cultures and religions, sperm, menses and any sexual fluids are considered unclean” (p. 153). According to Miller, deities of the Greek Pantheon and of  “Vodou, Santeria, and other African Traditional Religions” would consider such offerings offensive, however Buddhist tantric beings would enjoy them (pp. 153-154).

In other words, non-response to a sexual offering (energetic or fluid-based) could indicate “they’re just not that into you” or it might be that the offering was offensive or otherwise problematic. Miller recommends researching traditions to discover what is acceptable.

Miller also reminds us that offerings of sexual fluids are extremely personal, “a wide gateway to your deepest parts” (Sex, Sorcery and Spirit, p. 154). He says that predatory or vampiric entities can easily take advantage of a person who has naively made this kind of offering (p. 154). He recommends sexual acts in honor of a spirit, rather than actual fluids (p. 154).

One or Many?

There was variation in the number of partners, though most people had more than one spectrosexual encounter and/or spirit partner.

“Loki is my first and only spirit partner/lover.”

“Almost always Odin, but I’ve had a few others. He’s not monogamous; there’s not a reason in the worlds I should be!”

Others mentioned between two and sixteen names.

People who identified as god spouses mentioned Loki, Thor, Fenrir, and Brigid as their partners.

Who Are the Spirit Partners?

Even though most of the respondents came from Lokean social media groups, it was clear that not everyone stayed with a single pantheon of deities and spirits.

A few people did not want to name their spirit encounters and partners:

“I do not feel comfortable giving names.”

“He is a reclusive god and has asked that I never share his name except with those he specifies.”

Others were willing to name their spirit encounters and partners:

“Hermes Cernunnos Odin Poseidon Manannan Mac Lir Apollo Thor Loki Papa Legba.”

“Dionysus, Apollo, Hermes, Shiva, Satyrs, and two others who like Their privacy.”

“Samael, Michael, Odin, Loki, Beelzebub, Asmodeus, Eisheth Zenumin, Lilith, Freya, Freyr, Hela, Lucifer, Jesus, Zadkiel, Ariel, fairy lover named Lawrence son of Manannan, various hookups with Greek Pantheon on occasion.”

“Lilith, Babalon, Hades.”

“Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Inanna. Plus my connection to the Elven world is immense, and far too much to just start naming names.”

Should We Be Skeptical?

Certainly skepticism should have played a role in judging the cases of mass demonic possession in the 17th century, such as Aix-en-Provence (1611), Loudon (1634), and the Louviers Convent (1647). These cases included many sensational accounts of sexual relations between nuns and “the Devil” and other infernal spirits. The modern historical view of Loudon, for example, is that most of these accounts were of “pretended possession” and were part of a public spectacle, one that unfortunately included extreme torture and brutal executions.

These days, skeptics both within and without neopaganism enjoy dissing Lokean god spouses as a “fan-girl” phenomena (though not all god spouses are cis female). Such skepticism ignores the widespread, multi-cultural history of magical and religious practices that include some kind of sexual encounter with a god, demon, or other kind of spirit. From the Virgin Mary’s divine conception of Jesus to the tradition of the witch’s sabbat, from ancient tantric practices to Zeus’s golden shower, and to modern “sex magic” and beyond, spectrosexuality has been a part of human sexual (and spiritual) behavior for thousands of years.

From the sexological perspective, it is also worth considering these survey results as mostly legitimate reports of lived experience. That these encounters and relationships take place largely in what magic folk call “non-ordinary reality” (Wachter, Six Ways: Approaches and Entries for Practical Magic, pp. 27-28) or during non-ordinary states of mind (trance, meditation, ritual, and dreams) does not negate their validity. Just as researchers have demonstrated the physical effects of “hands free” orgasms (aka “mind gasms” or “thinking off”), we could probably find similar physical evidence in someone having a spectrosexual experience.

Wachter says that “non-ordinary reality is still reality” (p. 27). It is worth remembering this when discussing spectrosexual experiences and god spousery.

Stay tuned for Question 7.

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V. Spectrosexuality Survey: Intimate Partners, Physical Sex

Question Five begins to collect specific responses about spectrosexual experiences and god/spirit spouses. I begin asking about current intimate partners, both spirit and human. By using the words “intimate relationships” instead of “sexual relationhips,” the question was intentionally broadened to include emotional intimacy and partnerships that aren’t physically sexual (physical sensations for human beings can occur whether the partners are spirit or human). I did not want to exclude people who identify as asexual, demisexual, or any of the other subcategories of asexuality. (Please see AVEN – the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network for more info.)


Data_Q5_190318

Before I get to the twenty-four “other” comments, I notice that there could be some unintentional overlap between the first three answer choices. That is, some people could have answered all of the first three. I should have written “only one or more human partners,” “only one or more god/spirit partners,” and “currently both human and god/spirit partners” to avoid unintentional overlap. That’s a flaw. I’ll be taking a look at the individual responses to see how much overlap there is.

I’ll also be checking to see how many people who say they are god/spirit spouses or consorts overlap with “both human and god/spirit partners.” But that’s a future blog.

Selections From the “Other” Responses

Notice how the respondents address such issues as monogamy, non-monogamy, dating, various sexual or asexual orientations, and disclosure to human partners.

Both Human and Spirit Relationships

“Cis-hetero with a marriage to a cis-hertero husband….but a strong presence of Loki within our sexual intimacy.”

“I used to have a partner with whom we used to channel each other’s gods. It sometimes included getting intimate too. Now, my husband isn’t into such things but I do suspect he has been taken over a few times…. it’s not a regular thing however and seems to be completely random.”

“My physical partner and I are physically intimate. I have had a few sexual interactions with deities.”

“God spouse, plus human partner. Human partner is unaware of God spouse.”

“I have a human partner-my husband. I don’t know how to class my experiences with god/spirit partners: apart from one real life experience where I felt an interaction with a deity, all the others have been in the realm of ‘fantasy.'”

“I have a wife and I am occasionally intimate with Loki.”

Spirit Relationships

“I’m asexual as far as physical people go but it doesn’t seem to apply as strongly with spirit partners.”

“I have had sexual encounters with spirits, but none currently and none that I would label as a true partnership.”

“I am not currently seeing anyone other than Loki. I don’t have much of a desire to date humans right now, but if someone who was right for me came along, I would not reject them because of my relationship with Loki.”

“Spirits usually get ‘daydreams’ of various focus/attention, or dedicated sex toys.”

“My relationship with Loki was not initially sexual, but became so over a period of time. I’m of the opinion that it is more natural for relationships with the Divine to have some sexual aspects than not, since sexuality is an essential part of how we perceive the universe, and of the creation of new life. Based on my own historical studies it appears to me that sexual relationships with gods were more normal than abnormal in the pre-Abrahamic world, but that the Abrahamic faiths scrubbed any and all sexual references from religious theology and ceremony.”

“I have ongoing intimate relationships with a number of spirits, currently these are sexually intimate…I know it is possible to be sexually intimate with spirits.”

“My tradition was initiated by the sex with the Devil-Witchfather as many Scottish Trads are.”

“All my life I have been in touch with spirits. At times I am overcome with their sexuality in my sleep.”

“In the past, I have had romantic non-sexual, non-romantic sexual, and romantic sexual relationships with spirit partners. At the time, I was ‘exclusive’ to my spirit partners and did not have simultaneous human partnerships, whether romantically, sexually, or both.”

Gods or Spirit Spousery

“I have an interesting experience with godspousery. Loki has told me we’ve been married for a very long time, and I could do with that information what I will. He expected nothing from me. At first I was uncomfortable with the idea of being a godspouse because I did not fully understand it. I warmed up to the idea as time went on.”

“Married to a deity; functionally monogamous for 14 yrs.”

“I am married. But I’m celibate physically. I no longer have sex with my husband.”

“I’m a Thor spouse. Thor is the only person I’m committed to right now and I don’t have any physical people I’m committed to, but I am dipping back in the dating scene.”

Discomfort with Spirit Intimacy

In a later question, a few people reported non-consensual experiences with a deity or spirit. This response to Question Five shows how one person is not happy to be sexually  pursued by a god:

“Herne/Cernunnos claimed me as one of his consorts. I’m not entirely sure what it means, but he tends to bring a very sexual energy with him when he appears to me. I’ve taken to using a protective barrier against it because I’m not comfortable with it and I’m not willing to commit to a relationship like that with a spiritual being. He seems to think I’ll come around eventually, but I’m just not seeing it anytime soon.”

Beyond Sleep Paralysis

Only one person mentioned being “overcome by [spirit] sexuality” in their sleep. This is the only comment that resembles the classic incubus and succubus narrative (now thought to be caused by sleep paralysis). (However in a later question some respondents do mention dreams.)

Most of the other responses to this question indicate a conscious state of mind, or at least conscious thought regarding intimate spirit relationships or encounters.

Stay tuned for Question Six.

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